


Inner Turmoil

by FanficIsLove



Category: Hat Films - Fandom, The Yogscast
Genre: Love, M/M, Someone help, also, confused smith, im trash, ive fallen and i cant get up, smith loves ross, smith loves talking to his sister, three smornby fanfictions in three days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficIsLove/pseuds/FanficIsLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Smith has come to terms with the fact that he is utterly and in love with the straight-as-a-board Ross Hornby and poor Olivia Smith had become his therapist.<br/>(note to the yogscast: feel free to use my works)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inner Turmoil

_Stopping his activity, riding his red bike across a small patch of grass his mother told him to stay on, Alex Smith turned to his sister, Olivia, who was plucking petals off of a small daisy._

_"You like boys, don't you?" He asked inquisitively, catching his sister off guard._

_"Mhm." She hums back in reply, tossing the small, white flower somewhere in the green, cushiony grass the siblings sat on before picking another and starting all over again._

_"And I'm supposed to like girls?" Alex spoke once more, meeting his sister's eyes, seeing his similar turquoise colour painted in hers._

_She sat back and thought, considering what to say next. Being only very young, she had never pondered what her brother was asking her about. After a moment, she returned to her sitting position and replied, "You aren't **supposed** to like someone. You can like whoever you want, Alex; boy or girl. It's a personal choice." A large, childlike smile filled with sincere joy crossing her face, soothing her brother's soul. _

_He smiled back and sighed heavily, clambering back onto his bike, a large breath of relief leaving him. Knowing this, Alex's outlook on the world changed entirely for the better._

* * *

He remembered the memory as he was waiting for his kettle to boil. Twenty years later, not much had changed. Alex had grown much taller and his sister had too but their feelings about the subject had not. Any time Alex felt confused or unsure of what to do, he called Olivia. She always seemed to know what to do and that comforted her brother immensely. For example, when he had moved out of his parent's house he was unsure of how to begin his independent life. After one call from his sister, everything seemed possible. It was then that he met his best friends, Chris Trott and Ross Hornby. Ross and Chris had known each other since the beginning of University, Alex found out later, and were planning to build a company together. It was then that the three of them formed Hat Films and the rest of their lives begun.

However, things started changing after a year or so of being introduced; they did for Alex, at least. Whenever he met Ross' icy yet warm gaze across a crowded room or they brushed hands briefly, Alex's stomach did back-flips and it felt as if his heart would burst. Unsure of what this meant, Alex always just looked away awkwardly or left the room, claiming he had to go to the bathroom. Though having questioned his sexuality for most of his memorable life, he had never felt such strong feelings towards another man - he couldn't even remember having felt this way for a woman, for Christ's sake! He always pushed it to the back of his mind, promising himself that he would sit down and have an honest conversation with himself about why he felt the way he did towards Ross. It never happened.

The teasing from his co-workers hit him hard. He vividly remembered a time when he was eating lunch with Trott, Kim, Lewis and Sips and they wouldn't stop talking about him and Ross.

* * *

 

_"Hey, Smiffy," Sips spoke casually, "Have you ever just looked at Ross and thought, 'Holy shit, gotta get me a slice of that cake'?" A smile crept up onto his tanned cheeks as he poked Alex in the arm jokingly. Smith said nothing, afraid he would prompt more teasing if he did. Unfortunately, it didn't stop with him._

_"Oh, I know I have." Lewis agreed, causing Kim to choke on her food with laughter, smirking as if he knew what he was doing to Alex. Externally, Smith looked viably calm. Internally, he was a mess: his heart pounded and his throat was desert-dry. He felt as if the questions bouncing around his brain would cause it to implode on itself. How did they know of Alex's crush? Though he had a few very, very minor slip ups, he was generally keeping up an excellent facade of friendship with Ross. However much he was panicking inside, he refused to let them get to him. It was when Trott spoke that flipped Smith's switch._

_"Yeah, I see the way Ross looks at you, mate. Utterly sickening." Trott joined in, seemingly enjoying Smith's reddening face, "Like gooey toffee getting stuck on your hands and in your teeth."_

_Without a word, Alex grabbed his food and jumped up from his seat at the table. He didn't know where he was going as he sauntered off out of the bar they had chosen to eat at this particular lunchtime. All he knew was that he couldn't be in their presence any longer; he had to cool off._

* * *

Shaking his head at the memory, Smith returned to his current state when the button flicks back up on the kettle. Mid-way through pouring his drink, Ross walks into the shared kitchen and smiles when he sees Alex.

"Oh! Hey, mate. Glad I caught you," Ross strikes up a conversation with Smith, "Me and Trott are thinking of doing a live stream later, just out-of-the-blue. You wanna join?" Alex catches himself before he declines, seeing a hopeful grin from Ross. Putting the kettle back down, he turns around to look at his friend. 

"Yeah, sure, mate, sounds good." He returns Ross' smile, heart fluttering as blue-meets-blue. Ross lets a tiny happy noise escape from the back of his throat and he leaves the room, a sudden spring in his step. Alex chuckles to himself.

 _So goddamn cute..._ he thinks, sipping his lukewarm tea.

* * *

 

Thirty minutes ago, the stream had started. The amount of people watching shocked the boys but they continued as they had planned. They thought about playing a cheap anime dating simulator and the comments the viewers were leaving proved positive. Ross was pressing the buttons but Smith and Trott were giving their input, too. It got to a point in the game where they had to take a busty redhead on a date to a Chinese restaurant. Some of the options had them keeling over in laughter but when Ross spoke again, Smith didn't find it very funny.

"Smith, we should do this sometime, you saucy little redheaded bastard." Ross chuckled, pressing a button to progress in the game (which, incidentally, made the woman's breasts bounce). Trott stifled a giggle and passed it off as a delayed reaction when he looked over to the very ripe tomato that was Alex Smith. Luckily, Ross didn't seem to notice the lack of noise from Alex's seat behind him. While his friend failed to notice, the chat certainly didn't. Taking a quick peek at the words appearing frantically on the screen, Smith saw lots of ' _Smornby for life_ 's and ' _I'd bet £30 that Smith has a boner right now_ 's. They weren't wrong. Looking at himself in the monitor, he saw what they meant. His face was an alarming shade of red and was covered in a light layer of sweat. 

Praying that Ross hadn't noticed already, Smith bounced up out of his seat and offered to get everyone a cold drink from the fridge, practically running out of the door. Behind him, he heard a chorus of Trott's laughter.

 _Fuck him._ Smith thought of Trott.

 _ **Fuck** him. _ Smith thought of Ross.

* * *

 

Right after the stream ends, Alex swiftly slips upstairs, knowing what he has to do. As he walks up the stairs, he pulls his phone out of his pocket, dialing Olivia's number and bringing it close to his ear. It rings for a moment before he hears a feminine voice answer on the other end.

"Hey, Alex! What's up?" She asks cheerily.

"Oh, uh- just needed to speak to you about something." Alex tells her vaguely, skipping a step with ease in a hurry to get to a secluded space in Yogtowers, "Are you alright to speak?"

"Yeah, yeah," She replies almost instantly, hearing the urge embedded in her brother's words, "What's on your mind?"

"Well, uh-it's about Ross." He manages to choke out, nearly whispering, nervous in case someone could hear him. His sister knew probably too much about Ross and how Alex felt about him. She didn't mind, though; she loved hearing the utter adoration in his voice when he spoke about him. She could tell he was infatuated with the man she had never met, already feeling a strong connection to him.

"Ooh, tell me!" Her voice rang through Smith's ears, almost giving him an overly-enthusiastic headache on the spot.

"No-it's nothing like--Well, I just need to speak with you about him, if that's okay." Alex stuttered, unable to find the right words to express what he wanted.

"Alright, lay it on me." He could practically hear her grin over the phone.

"I just--I don't know what to do anymore." Alex sighed, leaning against a nearby wall where he was sure nobody could hear him, "I mean, I still think he's the sunshine of the world but..." He trailed off, unsure of what he was going to say next. Thankfully, Olivia knew this and asked him a question instead.

"Well, what's wrong? What's happened?" Her question came, genuine concern in her voice.

"Nothing major has happened, we're still mates but I'm not sure what I need to do next. I'm so conflicted." He stops a moment to rub his head before continuing, "I mean-I'm not even out to mum or anyone in the family! What are they going to think if I somehow manage to get Ross to be my boyfriend and I come home at Christmas? I can't exactly just say 'Oh yeah, I'm bisexual and this is my boyfriend and one day we hope to get married and adopt a few kids and a puppy together', can I?"

"Well, it would make for a good memory." His sister jokes, however immediately realizing her mistake and adding, "You know they wouldn't mind. And even if they did, you'll always have little old me."

Alex chuckles, " _Little?_ Bloody kidding me, aren't you? Six foot woman calling herself little." He laughs along with her, "But I appreciate the sentiment, it means a lot. You really don't think they'd mind?"

"Hell no! In fact, mum was having a rant at nobody the other day about how gay pride is such a beautiful and necessary thing in today's society." She cackles down the phone, reverberating off of his eardrum.

The line goes silent for a moment before she notes, "I can tell how much you care about him, Alex."

Another silent moment goes by before Smith sighs dreamily and speaks again, "He's so perfect. Just how flawless his ivory skin is and how amazing it looks with his eyes: just how they contrast with his raven hair. Ross Hornby... I think I love him, Olivia." He barely whispers, unable to stop the words coming out of his mouth.

He hears a hushed breath down the phone line. He also hears someone say a quiet ' _Smith_ ' but it doesn't sound like his sister at all. In fact, Smith realizes, it doesn't sound like a woman in the slightest. The bass and baritone underlining the sound as it speaks his name send a chill down Alex's spine. He turns around to find the very man he confessed his love about to his sister standing before him. Alex almost faints as their eyes meet.

The shorter man's voice is almost incomprehensible as he speaks, "Trott told me to come looking..." He doesn't manage to finish his sentence, what he just heard coming crashing down onto his shoulders.

Contemplating what to do next, Smith's mind is in a muddle. His heart is screaming _KISS HIM YOU TWAT FOR FUCKS SAKE_ while his brain is telling him _Talk your way out of it you utter knobhead_. Having always gone with his gut, this time was no different. Smith braces himself to be punched in the face as he swears under his breath and places his hands gently on either side of Ross' face before bringing their lips together. Not feeling any reciprocation from Ross' side, he isn't surprised when he feels hands knock him away. 

"Smith, what the--" Ross holds his head, swaying on the spot as if he was drunk. Feeling an overwhelming sensation of guilt and fear settle in his stomach, Smith starts to ramble.

"Ross-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." His words trail off as he notices the phone call still on. Pressing the end call button and throwing his phone to one side, not caring where it landed. He restarts his apology over again, "Ross, please- I don't want this to break up Hat Films. If it's possible, I want us to stay friends but if we can't then I understand completely but can this please just stay betw--" Smith is cut off by Ross speaking over him, much more confident than his last attempt.

"Alex Lewis Smith," He uses his full name for comedic value, "Stop rambling." He demands before pulling Alex back towards him with a tug on his t-shirt and placing his lips onto Smith's. Something about the kiss changed from the last one, Smith they both noticed. Something about this one was needy and searching. Smith felt that if he stopped kissing Ross they would both die. The two men stood in the hallway, lips locked, for a good few minutes. However, feeling eyes on them, Alex's eyes fly open. His intuition was correct; Trott was stood further down the hallway (presumable having come looking for both men after their disappearances). Noticing Smith looking at him, he turned his smile for the two kissing idiots into a creepy pervert face and he brought up both hands to make an inappropriate gesture, suggesting the two were going to do something else. Smith rolls his eyes and removes the hand on the back of Ross' neck to flip Trott the bird. 

Laughing to himself, Trott waves a hand toward the couple and started making his way back to the office. 

* * *

When he returned home late that night, the first thing Alex did was call his sister. 

He had a _lot_ to tell her.


End file.
